Shut up, I know it’s not Friday yet, whaddya take me for?! But it IS a long weekend for most North Americans, & even though I’d like to say I did this solely for The Empress ’cause I’m just that frikkin’ giving, (bite me), that’s not the case. My mother recently shared this video with me, & I knew immediately I had to throw it up on July 1st, in celebration of Canada Day…handily enough, it also worked out great for me to join in the Canada Day Blog Party & connect with even more crazy Canucks. Yeah, that’s right, 2 posts in a row dudes, ya got an issue with national pride??!! And since I’m The Mayor, I made the executive decision to use it as my @$#*%! Friday! as well, even if it is Thursday…shut it, I can do whatever the hell I want in Crazy Town. Besides, selfish bitch that I am, I’d actually prefer to spend my holiday drinking myself under the table rather than blogging…or worse, blogging while drinking under the table. Which is like drunk texting everyone on the planet all in one shot, you can’t talk your way outta that sh** come morning! After all, I have a reputation to maintain as a fine upstanding, politician…or should I say the last remaining fine, upstanding politician. Wipe that smirk off your face, I may be bat crap crazy, but at least I’m honest, which is more than I can say for most politicians. But that’s neither here nor there, & sadly, the random tangent just proves the bat crap crazy thing. But I’m okay with that…’cause us laid back, easy going Canadians are like that eh! It’s alright to admit you’re jealous…I know you wanna be…

Canadian Please!

Happy Fireworks Day North America! (Yeah, cause your kids DON’T call it that??!! Liars.). Don’t forget to post your @$#*%! Friday “funny”…don’t be shy, ya know ya wanna slut around! Leave your Twitter handle in the comment section if you’re looking for some new & exciting stalkers! Cheers to the long weekend, enjoy your drunken partying rest & relaxation & your hangover families!

Signed,

The Mayor!

*It bears noting that these two old high school friends came together on this project last Canada Day, for a patriotic way to celebrate. The entire thing, from lyrics, music, & video, was done in about 36 hours, completely on their own! I was suitably impressed! And for those visiting from The Canada Day Blog Party, be sure to check out my Wordless Wednesday: Canada Day Edition post for some more Canadian pride!

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This is seriously getting out of hand. Such a cop out to be doing Wordless Wednesday & Friday funnies, with absolutely nothing of substance in between! Not that I haven’t tried to fit the odd post in here & there, but the universe continues to conspire against me. By the time I travelled home, unpacked, & settled in Monday evening, I was simply too exhausted to do more than was necessary for the week ahead. Tuesday night, I opened up Crazy Town & began to write about our weekend away. Suddenly my addled brain clues in to the fact that it’s not actually Monday, as it had been tricked in to thinking by the change in routine, but rather the night I should be doing Wordless Wednesday. So I did. And with the rug rats enjoying a PA Day today, I anticipate my addled brain will continue to be out of whack in the days to come! Wednesday night, I again made an attempt to write, but I had been foolish enough to have allowed The Baby to nap for 3 hours after school, & now had a 4 year old bouncing off the walls until midnight. Not my fault, I was lulled in to it by the peace & quiet it had provided for me to finish typing The Boy’s health project due the next morning. Regardless, despite my best efforts, I have yet to write much at all this month, & it’s annoying as f**k. Just sayin’. In the meantime, while my work in progress taunts me from my drafts folder, I will once again regale you with that which I find funny. This one popped up on Facebook today…

I prefer to overlook the fact that she couldn’t figure out the triangle, & focus on the quick thinking that led to the one action guaranteed to stop traffic. Or it could just be lending credence to something else I came across today…the average woman would choose beauty over brains because the average man can see better than he can think. Sad but true, my friends, sad but true! Happy weekend!

Signed,

The Mayor!

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Geez Louise, I almost missed another Wordless Wednesday! Dudes, totally NOT my fault! The last two Mondays have been completely off routine for me, causing Tuesday to seem like Monday & throwing me off for the rest of the week! I only just realized, as I logged in to write a regular post, that it’s actually Tuesday night! So here I am, & since I spent the last few days in a hotel with 4 rug rats, I thought it apropos to do a travel edition!

funny travel hotel images

Geez, my fancy schmanc Hyatt didn't offer THAT! A trip within a trip?

funny travel hotel graph

Way more fun when I'm not the one who has to make the bed!

funny travel hotel image

Tellin' it like it is! Brilliant!

I have to admit, I am very happy to be back in my own bed…even if I can’t jump on it!

Signed,
The Mayor!

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Is It Friday Already??

by The Mayor!

I just didn’t have it in me to stand up Mr. Linky today…or The Empress! But I’m hitting the road with the kidlets for a long weekend over the border, so I have got to keep it short. I know, you’re thinking to yourself, “But self, doesn’t The Mayor have a habit of attracting stranger than fiction Griswold moments whenever she attempts any sort of travel?? She be trippin’ to try to take a road trip after the stories she’s racked up!”. And you’d be right. Unfortunately, I have no choice in the matter. My daughters have a cheer competition, & someone has to bring them so that they can bring IT! Besides, I have been struggling to keep up with Crazy Town lately, maybe a road trip will provide me with just the blog fodder I need to get writing! So without any further ado, here’s my contribution to your happiness…as usual, it’s highly inappropriate for the office or the little ears…& it’s laugh out loud funny!

Fingers crossed I return home with absolutely nothing to share whatsoever…

Signed,

The Mayor!

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The Next Contestant…

by The Mayor!

Crap. I actually missed Wordless Wednesday. That’s a new one. And honestly, this little hiatus of mine is completely unintentional, I’ve just found myself wrapped up in other things of late. But I’m here now! So anywho, there I was tonight, watching my first season of American Idol since the very first season. I just couldn’t help myself, given the new line up of judges. Steven Tyler happens to be the music behind my youth, the front man for the best concerts I have ever been to, & the voice behind most of my all-time favourite songs. He seriously rocks. And I far prefer this new panel, even if I’m still not really feeling the whole format of these types of shows. Surprisingly though, tonight’s entertainment came not from the show itself, but from the running commentary provided by my 4 year old. Anyone with a big family will tell you that the littlest is always particularly precocious & particularly charming. Given the older brats in the house, they also tend to be particularly advanced which, though highly entertaining, can also be highly inappropriate from one so young! Here are just a few of the highlights from my own little American Idol judge:

Steve Tyler funny

Why does that guy look like a girl?  (YES, that was actually in reference to Steve Tyler…though she was baffled as to why Mommy was in hysterics over that one!)

Her face is too ugly.

SHE should go to Hollywood. Told ya, I knew she’d go.

What is he thinking?

Seriously? C’mon, seriously?

I think that boy must be gay.

How could her mother let her wear that on TV??

I think I would laugh at her too.

Now that’s just crazy. Boys can’t sing Miley.

She has giant stars on her boobs. C’mon, who does that?

That just sucked! Get off the stage!

Of course, rather than make such a glaring statement on my parenting failures, I’d have been wise to preface this whole post with one of those rambling, “My sister’s cousin’s best friend’s boyfriend’s uncle’s brother’s neighbour told me about this little kid who…”. But the sad truth is, that’s my rotten kid with the mouth of a tweeny bopper. It can’t be helped…she’s surrounded by them. At home, at school, at the cheer gym, at the hockey rink…between her siblings & all of their friends, it’s a losing battle. That’s not to say I don’t try, just as soon as I’ve managed to control my laughter at some of her outrageous comments. Hey, don’t judge me…it’s not just what she says, it’s how she says it, in her tiny, sweet little voice, with her hilariously adorable mispronunciations. You’d laugh too. Besides, after listening to her spout at these contestants for 2 hours, I seriously think she has a future as the next Simon Cowell…on American Idol, Season 30. Or now, given his maturity level….

American Idol funny

Signed,

The Mayor!

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@$#*%! Friday!…They’re Here!

Ah, Friday! That glorious day of the week that signals the arrival of those 48 hour whirlwinds that are my weekends…& all of the noise, mess, & chaos that comes part & parcel with the storm that is my children blowing through the house for 2 straight days. It’s also the day that I have [...]

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