The One I Butt Heads With!

by The Mayor!

Two years after our son was born, we were blessed with the gift of our first daughter. However, our beautiful baby princess did not enter the world easily, & in many ways, the nightmare of her arrival still affects my relationship with her today, as well as who SHE is today. Eventually I may choose to share that particular story, but for now, suffice it to say, the pregnancy was difficult, the delivery was difficult, the first 2 years were beyond difficult. As a preemie, she had been in the NICU for the first 10 days of her life, & was a sickly baby with various hospitals stays ahead. She was also THAT toddler…the one that would stop most sane, rational people, (which apparently excludes me), from ever having more children. Especially given that our first was the epitome of the perfect baby & toddler, unfortunately making his sister’s behaviour seem even worse, & leaving us totally unprepared to handle it. OH, THE HORROR of some of those tantrums! I would often find myself watching with bated breath, waiting for her head to spin around & pea soup to shoot out of her mouth! And there was NO stopping her, no reasoning, no punishment that fazed her in the least. This child could scream, kick, & fight for hours at a time, to the point of exhaustion, losing her voice & dropping off to sleep in a pile on the floor.

I have been in a parking lot in the middle of winter while my not quite 2 year old LAY in a puddle causing such a scene over getting into her car seat that other people began gathering, certain I was trying to abduct her. One look at the tears streaming down my fiery, red-with-embarrassment, face told them the truth! She often hid in the corner behind a house plant screaming & smashing her head off the wall, sometimes for as much as an hour or more, sometimes for the simple fact that she just didn’t want to do what I asked…though at times, reality demanded I scoop her up under my arm, kicking & screaming, & forge ahead regardless! Walking home through the park after dropping her brother at school, she would decide she wanted to remain there, drop to the ground, & dig in spread eagled, screaming bloody murder the second I came near her. I eventually sat down on the grass as well & again, simply cried. This became a daily occurrence, often taking over an hour to drop him off a block away, but it was still the lesser of 2 evils given the struggles with getting her in the car! By 18 months, she was climbing out of her car seat while driving…GOD she hated that car seat…& I once pulled over, took her out, left her on the sidewalk & pulled ahead a couple of feet in sheer desperation of trying to teach her once & for all that if she wasn’t in her seat, she wasn’t in the car! This was after she had recently climbed into the trunk while I was doing 110 km down the highway. EVERY single time we got in the car, it was a 10 minute wrestling match to get her to BEND her little body so I could strap her in, trying to bribe her with a handful of sugar…man, she was strong for such a tiny little girl!! She was THAT kid, the one who screamed the entire time I was in the grocery store, who threw things at me off the shelves, who Dad eventually refused to ever go out in public with. If I put her in her room for a time out, she came right back out, screaming NOOOOOOOOO as she attacked me with tiny fists, until eventually I would have to stand there holding the door closed for the 3 minutes she had incurred….the whole time, with her screaming & kicking at the door with all her might. Obviously this never did serve any productive purpose, & I soon gave up on the ‘time outs”. To look back, I’m amazed she made it out alive & I made it out without getting locked up in an institution of some sort…or drowning in my own river of constant tears! And still today, there is simply no way to punish her. She doesn’t care, refuses to budge. She can lose toys, privileges, activities, you name it…this child just doesn’t have any “buttons” that can deter her from her path, once she digs her heels in!

So you may grasp part of the reason why my relationship with her has not always come easy! However, having said all of that, & fast forwarding to the present day, she is the most amazing 9 year old little girl, & I often marvel at the person she is. Our oldest daughter is the most loving, giving, kind hearted child. She is always eager to please & forms deep attachments, to both people & objects. The end of a school year deeply affects her as she has to say goodbye to her beloved teacher at the time. The incredible bond she shares with her cousin is also cause for tears at every parting. She collects, & cares about, a myriad of “junk”, including a small pile of treasured objects she sleeps with under her pillow, each with it’s own little story as to why it’s special to her. She often parts with her own gifts or treats to make someone else happy, especially her siblings. This is the child who writes me notes & draws me pictures almost daily, endlessly professing her love for me. She will speak to, & hug, just about anyone who pays her any attention, always eager to please & earn your affections, seeking almost constant physical contact from us. She chatters non-stop, & VERY LOUDLY, & given her health issues at birth, she now requires very strong prescription glasses. This was not discovered until grade one, causing her motor skills to be a little bit on the gawky side. All of these things contribute to a general awkwardness about her, but that strong, outgoing personality causes her to be completely unaware of this & she has a confidence that draws people to her, making her quite popular with both the girls & the boys! And much like my son, my daughter has really come into her own in the last year or so, though not for hormonal reasons just yet…I hope!! Having joined a competitive cheerleading team this year has greatly improved her motor skills, &, in turn, her self esteem. Despite the asthma, the glasses, & the gawkiness, she has become very good at it, very quickly, & finally discovered her inner grace. Again, that “eager to please” aspect of her personality causes her to have a solid determination to learn & perfect things when she is looking to impress someone in her life, even if that someone is herself. By the same token, if she is struggling to learn or try something, she refuses to admit it & will not ask for, or easily accept, any help. She has always preferred to quit, walk away, give up. That cursed math homework is one of those major battles for that very reason! Fear can, & will stand in her way, including her refusal to learn how to swim, or to go anywhere alone at night, even in her own house, though luckily the 3 year old is always happy to take her hand & escort her! Proud & stubborn to a fault, this one is! She is also quite a contradiction. Depending on the given day, even numerous times in one day, she can bounce back & forth between that loving, giving, amazingly soft hearted child, to that strong willed, obstinate, tantrum throwing child she has always been…the one that, at 9 years old, has progressed from the kicking & screaming to laughing in your face at any attempt to discipline & storming out screaming, “I HATE YOU!”, as she throws or shoves anything or anyone that gets in her way. What I have learned though, is that she forgives & forgets quickly, moves on easily, so I let her have her outbursts, & I never take it personally anymore! And in her own way, she will always show remorse & try to make it up to whomever her target was.

And before my own family weighs in here, I will tell you myself that there is an obvious reason why I butt heads with my oldest daughter. Because she is me…all of those horror stories are karma biting me in the ass, mirror images of stories I hear tell about my own toddler years. I too, am a complete contradiction, who can bounce back & forth between blowing sunshine & blow it out your ass many times a day. Proud & stubborn to a fault, I also refuse to ask for, or accept help, preferring to do it by myself, for myself. And yes, I too will happily rip your head off, spit it at you, & come back ten minutes later wondering why you’re being so pissy with me, aren’t we done with this yet??!!

So my precious Bunny, I of all people can respect & appreciate who you are. I adore everything about you, & the blessings you bring to our family. You are blossoming into a beautiful little lady, who’s unique blend of a tender, loving heart & strong determination will serve you well in life! You have given me a window into myself that has taught me so much…thank you for the gift of you! I am proud of you, & who you are, every moment of every day, & I love you beyond measure.

Signed

The Mayor!